Intentional Moments

Intentional Moments was so blessed to help sponsor ONE Extraordinary Marriage’s  (www.ONEextaordinarymarriage.com) first annual “7 Days of Sex Challenge.”  We see it as such a joy to partner and network with other organizations who’s heart and mission is to build and bless marriages.  I know the marriage statistics and stories that we hear can often be very discouraging; but please take heart that there is a strong and mightly God working to restore,  renew and rejuvenate each and every marriage.  Our prayer is that each couple who participated in this challenge continue to grow and be intentional in all aspects of their marriage.  If you didn’t participate in the “official” challenge…there’s great news!   You can read through ONE Extraordinary Marriage’s blog and be inspired to start your challenge today! 

We wanted to share 3 stories from Intentional Moments fans who participated in the challenge:

From Michigan:

“To sum the week up in words is difficult….
 Amazing, spectacular, awesome, beautiful, rewarding, intimate, incredible, and life changing are a few that come to mind!

God has blessed our marriage daily and I am blessed and honored to be Mrs. [husband's name].  I couldn’t ask for a better husband, father or friend to spend this life with.
Excited to do the challenge again!”

And from Virginia:

“The 7 Days of Sex Challenge was a unique experience for us.  [My wife] and I weren’t able to have sex for those 7 days due to a health issue and a planned family trip, but thanks to Tony and Alisa, we decided to participate anyway. 

 Instead of sex, we focused on being intimate with each other.  We went for walks, we prayed together, we talked, and we turned off the TV and spent time with each other.  Even if it was only 10 minutes, we focused on each other and not on the daily confusion of a modern busy family. 

 Trying to have sex for 7 days in a row is supposed to teach us that we must be intentional in making time for our marriage.  What we learned over our 7 days is that taking the time to be intimate with your partner restores and renews the marriage in a way that God intended.  We must work together to become one in body, mind, soul and faith.  Once our marriage reaches that point we can live as God intended us to live.

 Thank you Tony and Alisa for such a great way to wake up our marriage and God Bless all of the couples that participated and shared, they were an inspiration.”

From Pennsylvania:

“My husband and I are going through a very stressful time with mounting financial concerns, job changes, car troubles, and parenting issues.  Typically, when my husband and I experience stress of any kind, the first thing to fall by the “wayside” is our physical intimacy.  It’s these troubled times that we begin to “irritate” one another, and I as a wife tend to take on a more “business approach” to our family.  I fall into the role of “problem solver” and leader.  And yes, I realize that this is not a biblical approach.  My husband has a more passive personality and seems to have a great sense of faith. 

This challenge has been one of not just physical change, but also very deeply spiritual.  I have discovered that I have the ability to leave the stress outside of the bedroom door.  It amazed me that we could sit at the kitchen table discussing finances and then walk up to the bedroom and enjoy sex!  This might sound trivial…but believe me, this would have never happened….stress always seemed to seep into all areas of our relationship.  I began praying throughout the day that I not allow Satan to steal the joy of sex and intimacy.  (He is a thief who comes in the night to lie, steal and destroy!)   My obedience to God led to a more willing submission (I know…a tricky word that many people distort!!!) that I would have never believed.  Throughout that week, it became almost easy to allow my husband to lead and make decisions.  And, the physical intimacy empowered him to be a more effective leader and provider. 

So, I encourage anyone to participate in this challenge.  It’s really not about sex…it’s about aligning your relationship to God’s plan of marital intimacy…and it will have a profound effect your whole marriage!

With the new year upon us and Valentine’s Day fast approaching, I find myself thinking about gifts that would show my husband just how much I love and treasure him.  I was reminded of some important keys to my husband’s heart in the book His Needs, Her Needs by William Harley.  A husbands top 5 needs tend to be:

1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. An Attractive Spouse
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration

As we begin 2010, my hope is that we are challenged to examine and be intentional about fulfilling each of these very real needs. 

You might be asking, “Why should I try to meet his needs if he isn’t meeting mine?”  I was again reminded of several truths concerning a happy, fulfilled husband from Dr. Kevin Lehman’s book, Sheet Music. 

1. A husband with his needs met will do anything for his wife.
2. A husband whose wife is intentional about meeting his needs will feel good about himself. 
3. A happy husband will take on his life and work with a strong sense vigor & purpose.
4. A husband who is fulfilled will appreciate the important things in life.
5. A happy husband will truly be a blessing to his wife and to his family.

Over the next few blog entries we’ll be looking deeper into each of the needs of our men and women and how we can be intentional about making each other happy! 

Perhaps, no “intimate act” is met with as much controversy or raises as many eyebrows as oral pleasure.  The first “objection” or “question” we hear all the time is whether or not it is “right”.  The second “question” is inevitably, “Am I doing this right?”  First and formost, let’s be clear that what you and your spouse choose to do when the lights go out is a personal choice for the two of you to prayerfully make.  

What does the Bible say?  First of all, the Bible spares no expense at forbidding us from things that would harm us or dishonor Him.  After all, they are the 10 COMMANDMENTS, not SUGGESTIONS.  That being said, the Bible never forbids oral pleasure.  In fact, most Biblical scholars strongly believe that Song of Songs is scattered with oral sexual references (2:3, 4:16, 5:1, 7:2, 8:2).  At the very least, when you read this book of the bible, it is evident that God wants us to truly enjoy sexual intimacy and creativity with our husbands!  I ask you, is kissing your spouse ok?  Very few (if any) people would argue that kissing on the mouth is bad.  What about the neck?  Elbow?  Breast?  Knee?  So why not “down there?”  In fact, a woman is biologically MADE to enjoy light, soft clitoral stimulation.  What is softer of more gentle than the tongue!  It certainly isn’t a matter of hygiene…after all, if we wash off, bathe, (or use My Joy spray which Intentional Moments carries), there are FAR LESS germs on the genetals in our mouths! 

 That brings us to technique!   Few of us were ever given “instructions” on oral pleasure.  (Except maybe “DON’T BITE!”)   So, here are some suggestions from the (Christian) book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman.  (Great book, btw, that we HIGHLY recommend and carry)

 For the Woman:  Making Hubby Squeal In Delight:

• Tease for no more than 10 seconds.  Gently kiss, little licks or gentle brush of tongue.
• Then, curl your lips over your teeth and insert penis into your mouth.  Use your tongue to stimulate.
• Alternate between “insertion” and teasing, but no more than 10 seconds of teasing at a time.
• The underside of the penis is the most sensitive; try a long, lick under there!
• Men are very visual, so pull your hair back, and make plenty of eye contact.
• Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!  Ask him how he likes it, and what he wants.  Also, the more communication, the less you’ll have to worry about that age-old decision of “spit or swallow”.  He can tell you what he’s about to climax, and if you choose to stop, make sure that you continue to stimulate with your hand.

 For The Man:  Delighting In Your Wife’s  “Fruits”:

• For women, there is often a psychological barrier to oral pleasure.  Mainly, because of the misconception and fear that women “smell or taste bad”.  So, the best thing you can do is re-assure her that you want to do this, and that you enjoy doing this.  After all, you certainly do take delight in her pleasure!
• Gradually make your way down.  Start kissing behind her ears, down her neck, and spend some time around her breasts.  Kiss that soft spot on the inside of the elbow…then skip down to her legs, behind the knees, then begin traveling up.  Next, go to the inner thighs.  Of course, if you sense that she is uncomfortable, stop.
• Try facing her feet and slide your right hand under her bottom.  This keeps your left hand free to caress her body, clitoris or stimulate the G-Spot.
• Use soft, gentle caresses of the tongue on her clitoris and in the labia folds.  Vary the motions of your tongue.  Lick and GENTLY pull with your lips (not teeth)

 Look in our Rekindling Romance section  for some great products to make oral delights even “sweeter”!  The pleasure is endless, but I want to stress that the husband or wife should NEVER be forced into or made to “give in” to doing anything they don’t want to do!  Remember that “Love does not demand its own way”!  And, as always, communication and openness are the best tools for intimacy!